I found
this on another forum and could not stop
laughing.
</pre>
</pre>
</pre>
</pre>
"To
the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown,
Savannah)
</pre>
</pre>
I was
the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket
that you demanded I hand
</pre>
over
shortly after you pulled the knife on me
and my girlfriend. You also
</pre>
asked
for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
hope you somehow come across
</pre>
this
message.
</pre>
</pre>
I'd
like to apologize. I didn't expect you to
crap your pants when I drew my
</pre>
pistol
after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was
wearing the jacket for a
</pre>
reason
that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend
</pre>
had
just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol
for Christmas, and we had
</pre>
just
picked up a shoulder holster for it that
evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?
</pre>
It's
a very intimidating weapon when pointed at
your head, isn't it?
</pre>
</pre>
I know
it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking
back to wherever you'd
</pre>
come
from with that brown sludge flopping about
in your pants. I'm sure it
</pre>
was
even worse since you also ended up leaving
your shoes, cellphone, and
</pre>
wallet
with me. I couldn't have you calling up any
of your buddies to come
</pre>
help
you try to mug us again. I took the liberty
of calling your mother, or
</pre>
"Momma"
as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining
to her your
</pre>
situation.
I also bought myself some gas on your card.
I gave your shoes to
</pre>
one
of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go
Go's, along with all of the
</pre>
cash
in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself
in a dumpster. I called
</pre>
a bunch
of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll
be on your bill in case
</pre>
you'd
like to know which ones. Alltel recently
shut down the line, and I've
</pre>
only
had the phone for a little over a day now,
so I don't know what's going
</pre>
on
with that. I hope they haven't permanently
cut off your service. I was
</pre>
about
to make some threatening phone calls to the
DA's office with it. Oh
</pre>
well.
</pre>
</pre>
So,
about your pants. I know that I was a little
rough on you when you did
</pre>
this
whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like
to make it up to you. I'm
</pre>
sure
you've already washed your pants, so I'd
like to help you out. I'd like
</pre>
to
reimburse you for the detergent you used
on the pants. What brand did you
</pre>
use,
and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like
to apologize for not killing
</pre>
you
and instead making you walk back home humiliated.
I'm hoping that you'll
</pre>
reconsider
your choice of path in life. Next time you
might not be so lucky.
</pre>
</pre>
If
you read this message, email me and we'll
do lunch and laundry. Peace!"
</pre>
</pre>
- Alex</pre>
this on another forum and could not stop
laughing.
</pre>
</pre>
</pre>
</pre>
"To
the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown,
Savannah)
</pre>
</pre>
I was
the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket
that you demanded I hand
</pre>
over
shortly after you pulled the knife on me
and my girlfriend. You also
</pre>
asked
for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
hope you somehow come across
</pre>
this
message.
</pre>
</pre>
I'd
like to apologize. I didn't expect you to
crap your pants when I drew my
</pre>
pistol
after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was
wearing the jacket for a
</pre>
reason
that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend
</pre>
had
just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol
for Christmas, and we had
</pre>
just
picked up a shoulder holster for it that
evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?
</pre>
It's
a very intimidating weapon when pointed at
your head, isn't it?
</pre>
</pre>
I know
it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking
back to wherever you'd
</pre>
come
from with that brown sludge flopping about
in your pants. I'm sure it
</pre>
was
even worse since you also ended up leaving
your shoes, cellphone, and
</pre>
wallet
with me. I couldn't have you calling up any
of your buddies to come
</pre>
help
you try to mug us again. I took the liberty
of calling your mother, or
</pre>
"Momma"
as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining
to her your
</pre>
situation.
I also bought myself some gas on your card.
I gave your shoes to
</pre>
one
of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go
Go's, along with all of the
</pre>
cash
in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself
in a dumpster. I called
</pre>
a bunch
of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll
be on your bill in case
</pre>
you'd
like to know which ones. Alltel recently
shut down the line, and I've
</pre>
only
had the phone for a little over a day now,
so I don't know what's going
</pre>
on
with that. I hope they haven't permanently
cut off your service. I was
</pre>
about
to make some threatening phone calls to the
DA's office with it. Oh
</pre>
well.
</pre>
</pre>
So,
about your pants. I know that I was a little
rough on you when you did
</pre>
this
whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like
to make it up to you. I'm
</pre>
sure
you've already washed your pants, so I'd
like to help you out. I'd like
</pre>
to
reimburse you for the detergent you used
on the pants. What brand did you
</pre>
use,
and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like
to apologize for not killing
</pre>
you
and instead making you walk back home humiliated.
I'm hoping that you'll
</pre>
reconsider
your choice of path in life. Next time you
might not be so lucky.
</pre>
</pre>
If
you read this message, email me and we'll
do lunch and laundry. Peace!"
</pre>
</pre>
- Alex</pre>
